When the Healing Hurts: Recognizing and Addressing Therapeutic Harm
The foundation of effective therapy is a safe and trusting therapeutic alliance. This relationship is the vessel through which deep healing can occur. Yet, it is a profound and often devastating reality that this very vessel can sometimes spring a leak or even crack, causing significant harm. The therapist's office, meant to be a sanctuary, can inadvertently become a place of retraumatization. This happens not through malicious intent in most cases, but through a therapist's unexamined internal processes and systemic blind spots. Understanding these mechanisms is crucial for any client embarking on a healing path.
One of the most insidious ways harm occurs is through unmanaged countertransference. This refers to the therapist's own unconscious emotional reactions and projections onto the client. When a therapist fails to recognize that their feelings of irritation, attraction, rescue fantasies, or even boredom are reflections of their own unfinished business, they risk reenacting old, wounding dynamics for the client. For instance, a client with a history of being controlled by a parent may find their therapist subtly steering them toward the therapist's own goals, thus repeating the pattern of disempowerment. Similarly, a failure to listen deeply, to truly hear the client's reality over the therapist's own theoretical assumptions, invalidates the client's core experience. This is the "everything is a nail when all you have is a hammer" problem in action. A therapist overly wedded to one modality may misinterpret a client's somatic shutdown as resistance to be pushed through, rather than a protective freeze response needing patience and titration, thereby repeating a trauma of force and invasion.
Furthermore, a therapist operating from a place of unacknowledged privilege can inflict deep wounds. Unchecked racism, ableism, classism, or heteronormativity create a lens through which the client's lived experience is distorted or dismissed. A white therapist minimizing a client of color's experiences of microaggressions, or an able bodied therapist pushing a disabled client to "transcend" their physical reality, are not providing therapy. They are perpetuating systemic violence within the therapeutic frame. The client's body, in somatic work, registers this dismissal as a profound unsafety, echoing historical and personal traumas of not being seen or believed.
When you sense that your therapist is causing harm, whether through subtle misattunement or more overt ethical breaches, it is essential to remember that you have agency. The first and most powerful step is often to voice your concern. Setting a healthy boundary can sound like, "When you interrupt me, I feel dismissed," or, "The approach we are using does not feel safe for me." A competent, ethical therapist will receive this feedback with curiosity, humility, and a commitment to repair. This repair process can, in itself, be profoundly healing. However, if your therapist becomes defensive, dismissive, or minimizes your experience, this is a significant red flag. You are not required to stay in a relationship that is causing you harm, regardless of the therapist's credentials or your investment in the process.
You have the absolute right to release your therapist and seek a new one. Ending a therapeutic relationship is not a failure. It is an act of profound self advocacy and a powerful assertion of your own boundaries and wisdom. Your healing is paramount. If the relationship is no longer serving that purpose, or is actively undermining it, leaving is the most therapeutic choice you can make. You can terminate by simply stating that you feel the work is not a good fit and you will be moving on. You do not owe a lengthy explanation. Finding a new therapist may feel daunting, but it is a journey toward finding the true sanctuary you deserve, a relationship where your whole self, including your body, can feel heard, respected, and safe enough to heal.
