Why Sexual Assault Can Be Confusing for Survivors
Sexual assault is a deeply painful experience that can leave survivors feeling confused and unsure about what happened. Even though the harm was real, many survivors struggle to make sense of their feelings and reactions. This confusion often comes from several sources, including the violation of personal boundaries without clear external validation, the clash between their body’s responses and what society says they "should" feel, and the way trauma affects memory and emotions.
One reason sexual assault can be so confusing is that it violates a person’s boundaries in a way that isn’t always visible to others. Unlike physical injuries that can be seen, the wounds of sexual assault are often hidden. Survivors may question whether what happened was "bad enough" to count as assault, especially if they didn’t fight back or if the perpetrator was someone they knew. Society often expects survivors to react in certain ways, like screaming or fighting, but trauma responses are much more varied. Some people freeze, some dissociate, and some even try to appease the perpetrator to stay safe. When a survivor’s reaction doesn’t match the expected narrative, they may doubt their own experience.
Another layer of confusion comes from the disconnect between the body’s felt sensations and the mind’s understanding. The nervous system reacts to trauma in ways that don’t always make logical sense. A survivor might feel shame or disgust in their body but not know why. They might also experience physical sensations like numbness or tension long after the assault, without connecting them to the trauma. Because the body holds onto these sensations, survivors can feel stuck in a loop of discomfort without knowing how to process it.
Social narratives can add to the confusion. Many survivors are told to "just move on" or "get over it," which dismisses their pain. Others are blamed or not believed, making them question whether their feelings are valid. When society downplays their experience, survivors may start to downplay it too, even though their body continues to carry the trauma. This mismatch between internal truth and external messages can make healing feel impossible.
Healing from sexual assault is not about finding a single "right" way to feel or recover. It’s about honoring the survivor’s unique experience and helping them reconnect with their body and emotions in a safe way. Therapy can help by providing a space where their feelings are validated and their reactions are understood as normal responses to trauma. Over time, survivors can learn to trust themselves again and make sense of what happened in a way that feels true to them.
