When Asking Feels Dangerous: A Somatic Approach to Neurodivergent Risk Assessment
The hesitancy to ask for help is a recurring theme for neurodivergent people. This is not a simple matter of shyness or pride. It is often a deep, physiologically rooted response where the act of requesting assistance is subconsciously categorized not as a moment of mild social discomfort, but as a genuine threat to one's safety and autonomy. For many neurodivergent people, a history of being misunderstood, rejected, or even punished for their needs has wired their nervous systems to perceive the vulnerability of asking as inherently dangerous. This triggers a neuroceptive response, the body's subconscious surveillance for safety, which screams danger when one contemplates reaching out. The resulting fight, flight, or freeze response is a logical, protective mechanism from a nervous system that has learned this specific vulnerability leads to pain.
The therapeutic work, therefore, involves gently guiding clients to consciously recategorize this perceived risk. We must move the request for help from the limbic system's category of "danger," which demands avoidance, to the prefrontal cortex's category of "discomfort," which is manageable and often worthwhile. This is a somatic and cognitive process. We can encourage clients to actively engage in a logical deconstruction of the risk. We break down the ask into its component parts. What is the actual worst case scenario? Is it rejection? Is it a misunderstanding? We then logically assess the probability of that worst case outcome versus the probability of a neutral or positive outcome. We also evaluate the cost of not asking, which often far outweighs the momentary discomfort of asking. This isn't about dismissing their very real fears; it is about placing those fears in a rational context, thereby reducing their visceral intensity.
This cognitive reframe must be coupled with somatic awareness. We explore the physical sensations that arise at the mere thought of asking for help. Does their chest tighten? Does their stomach lurch? By naming these sensations as anxiety or discomfort rather than a signal of impending doom, we begin to change the body's relationship to the trigger. The goal is to create a new, embodied knowing that the feeling of unease is a temporary state that can be tolerated, not an emergency that must be avoided. This process of active, logical risk categorization acts as a reset button for the nervous system. It provides a structured pathway out of the amygdala's alarm and into the prefrontal cortex's reasoned analysis, empowering the neurodivergent individual to move forward with a request, not because the fear is gone, but because they have recalibrated their assessment of the risk and trust in their capacity to handle the outcome.
