Joint Attention Exercises for Neurodivergent Relationships and Families
Joint attention or the shared focus of two individuals on an object, event, or concept can present unique challenges for neurodivergent individuals. Many autistic, ADHD, or otherwise neurodivergent people may struggle with the implicit social cues that facilitate joint attention, such as eye contact, pointing, or verbal signaling. These difficulties can sometimes be misinterpreted as disinterest or detachment, creating misunderstandings in relationships. Partners and family members may feel ignored or disconnected, while the neurodivergent individual may feel overwhelmed by the unspoken expectations of conventional social engagement. Over time, these dynamics can strain communication and intimacy, making it essential to develop intentional practices that foster mutual understanding.
One way to practice bridging this gap is through structured, low pressure exercises that allow neurodivergent couples and families to practice joint attention in a way that respects individual sensory and cognitive needs. For example, engaging in parallel activities, such as drawing side by side while occasionally sharing observations, can create a sense of shared presence without the demand for constant eye contact or verbal exchange. Another approach involves using a shared object, like a textured stone or a fidget toy, to ground attention in a tactile experience while discussing its sensory qualities together. This can help anchor the interaction in a concrete, sensory based way that feels more accessible.
Music can also serve as a powerful tool for cultivating joint attention. Listening to a favorite song together and discussing the emotions or memories it evokes allows for a shared experience without the pressure of direct face to face interaction. Similarly, collaborative storytelling, where each person adds a sentence to a growing narrative, encourages turn taking and mutual focus in a creative, low stakes context. Finally, nature walks with a shared goal such as spotting specific birds or plants can provide an external focus that naturally facilitates joint attention while reducing social anxiety.
The key to these exercises is flexibility and patience. Neurodivergent individuals may need different levels of structure or sensory accommodation to engage comfortably, and partners should approach these practices with curiosity rather than expectation. By reframing joint attention as a collaborative process rather than a rigid social requirement, relationships can become more inclusive and affirming for all involved.
