When Your Teen Opens Up About Food: A Guide to Staying Present

When your teen discloses a difficult behavior, a skipped meal, a binge moment, or a punishing thought about their body, your own nervous system is going to react. It is biologically normal for you, as a parent, to want to fix it, to argue against it, or to collapse into worry. Your heart races, your stomach drops, and suddenly you are in a state of emergency.

However, the nervous system of a teen struggling with food is already in a state of profound dysregulation. They are using control over their food and body to manage sensations of overwhelm, numbness, or powerlessness that live within them. If you meet their disclosure with your own heightened state of panic or frustration, their nervous system will interpret this as confirmation that things are indeed as terrifying as they feel. They may shut down, lie to protect you, or cling tighter to the only coping mechanism they have.

The most potent medicine you can offer in these moments is your own regulated presence. This is not about being a perfect parent who feels no fear. It is about being a parent who can notice their fear, tend to it, and then return to their teen with a grounded nervous system that says, “This is scary, but we can handle this together.”

Before we can help our teens, we must help ourselves. When your teen is in the middle of a disclosure, and you feel that familiar surge of panic or anger, try these three somatic exercises to center yourself. These are discreet and can be done while they are speaking.

First, try anchoring to gravity. Shift your attention to the soles of your feet. Feel the pressure of your feet against the floor or the ground beneath you. Imagine that your feet are rooting down like tree roots, drawing stability up from the earth. You do not need to stop listening to your teen. Just add this sensation of grounding to your experience. It tells your brain that you are physically safe and supported in this moment.

Second, find your exhale. When we panic, our breath becomes shallow and high in the chest. Silently, take a long, slow exhale. Make it last longer than your inhale. Imagine you are blowing out through a straw. This activates the parasympathetic nervous system, helping lower your heart rate and allowing you to stay more present and receptive.

Third, place a hand on your heart or belly. The simple act of self-touch with gentle pressure can release oxytocin and soothe the nervous system. As you place your hand on your chest, you might silently say to yourself, “It is human to be scared. I am here.” This physical gesture of self-compassion helps you shift from reactivity to responsiveness.

Once you have steadied your own inner environment, you are ready to show up for your teen constructively. Here are three specific ways to directly support them in these moments.

The first way is to validate the sensation, not just the story. When they tell you about a binge or a restriction, they expect you to focus on the food. Instead, get curious about the body. You might say, “That sounds incredibly hard. When that urge came up, what did it feel like in your body beforehand? Was there a tightness, a flutter, a feeling of emptiness?” This shifts the conversation from shame about behavior to curiosity about the internal experience. It helps your teen connect with the sensation beneath the symptom, the first step toward healing.

The second way is to practice the “Pause and Return”. If your teen says something that terrifies you, resist the urge to immediately problem-solve or interrogate. Instead, pause. Take a breath, you know they can see. Then, simply reflect on what you heard without judgment. You can say, “Thank you for telling me. That sounds like it was a really painful experience for you.” This simple act of witnessing without fixing builds immense trust. It tells your teen that you are strong enough to hear their truth and that they do not have to carry it alone.

The third way is to offer co-regulation through presence. Sometimes, after a disclosure, there are no words. Your teen may be exhausted or ashamed. In these moments, you can be near them. You might ask whether they would like to sit on the couch together and watch a show or go for a short walk. Regulating next to a calm parent is profoundly healing. It allows their agitated nervous system to borrow from your steady one. You are teaching their body, nonverbally, that connection and safety are still available, even on the hard days.

Healing from disordered eating is not linear. There will be setbacks and scary moments. But by learning to manage your own nervous system and responding with curiosity and presence, you build a bridge back to your teen. You become the safe harbor they can return to, again and again.